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30 May 2007 @ 10:14 pm
You may find the below information at a suicide prevention site:
http://www.suicidepreventtriangle.org/Suichap5.htm#Chap5_Mld

Remember that the MLD is not the same thing as a fatal dose.  I would
double any of these to be absolutely sure, and combine them with an
anti-emetic to make sure you don't wake up three days later in a pile
of your own vomit.  Pretty thought.  :|

Some of these drugs are not available, for example Nembutal or Seconal.

__________________________________________________________________________

1. Minimal lethal doses were estimated from the literature and computed
by assuming the victim would be a healthy male, 35 years of age
weighing 150 pounds. This yields a conservative estimate since the
amounts listed would be more toxic in all other people, except for
heavier males.
2. When overdoses accompanied with alcohol, increase tab/strength count
by 50%.
3. Regular drug use, when established by history, produces tolerance
levels that support reduction by 33% for estimated levels of ingestion.

4. For mixed prescriptions if 80% or more are the same or equivalent
minimal lethal dose treat as if the same drug. If less than 80% choose
the drug with the greatest minimal lethal dose rating and evaluate
amount ingested.

Name of prescription Common (generic) Estimated minimum number of units
for a lethal ingestion to a 150lb
person in typical dosage.
Aspirin, (Acetylsalicylate) 90/5 grains
Amytal (Amobarbital) 30/50mg
Arcane (Trihexiphenideyl) 47/50 mg
Asendin (Amoxapine) 66/50 mg
Atarax (Hydroxyzine HCL) 164/10 mg
Ativan (Lorazepam) 1648/2 mg
Aventyl (Nortryptyline HCL) 84/25 mg
Benadryl (Diphenhydramine) 26/50 mg
Butisol (Butabarbital) 30/30 mg
Carbrital (Pentobarbital+) 10/100 mg
Chloral Hydrate (Noctec,Felsules) 7.5/250 mg
Codein 8/60 mg
Compazine (Prochlorperazine) 66/15 mg
Compoz (Diphenhydramine) 53/25 mg
Contac (Chlorpheniramine,Phenlpropa nolamine) 35/cap
Cope (Aspirin, Methapyrilene) 64/tab
Coricidin (Chlorpheniramine, aspriring) 84/tab
Coricidin D (above plus Phyenlpropanolamin) 78/tab
Coumadin 47/2 mg
Dalmane (Flurazepam HCL) 110/30 mg
Darvocet-N (Propoxyphene Napsylate) 46/50 mg
Darvon (Propoxyphene) 36/65 mg
Demerol (Meperidine) 19/50 mg
Desipramine HCL (Norpramin, Pertorfrane) 15/150 mg
Dextroamphetimine, Dexidrine 20/5 mg
Dilantin (Diphenylhydantoin) 66/100 mg
Doriden (Glutethimide) 12/500 mg
Dramamine (Dimenhydrinate) 33/50 mg
Dristan Tablets 78/tab
Dristan Capsules 19/cap
Elavil (Amitriptyline) 120/25 mg
Excedrin 22/tab
Fiorinal 28/tab
Equanil, Miltown Meprospan (Meprobamate) 17/400 mg
Haldol (Haloperidol) 49/20 mg
Librium (Chlordiasepoxide) 330/10 mg
Lithium Carbonate 15/300 mg
Lomotil 75/tab
Loxitane (Loxapine) 66/50 mg
Luminal (Phenobarital) 45/30 mg
Mellaril (Thioridazine) 39/25 mg
Methadone(Dolophin HCL) 19/5 mg
Nardil (Phenelzine So4) 110/15 mg
Navane (Thiothixene HCL) 49/ 20 mg
Nembutal (Pentobarbital) 10/100 mg
Nodoz (Caffeine) 120/tab
Noludar (Methyprylon) 17/300 mg
Nytol, (Methapyrilene+) 107/25 mg
Paraldehyde 1-3/oz
Parnate (Tranycypromine SO4) 164/10 mg
Percodan (Oxycodon) 94/4.5 mg
Phenobarbital 47/30 mg
Placydil (Ehtchlorvynol) 13/500 mg
Quaalude (Methaqualone) 44/150 mg
Quiet World 58/tab
Ritalin (Methylphenidate HCL) 9/20 mg
Seconal (Secobarbital) 19/100 mg
Serax (Oxazepam) 110/30 mg
Sleepeze (Pyrilamine maleate) 105/25 mg
Sominex (Pyrilamine maleate) 105/25 mg
Sominex-2 (Diphenhydramine HCL) 53/25 mg
Stelazine (Trifluoperazine) 198/5 mg
Sinequan (Doxepin HCL) 23/100 mg
Sudafed (Pseudophedrine) 31/30 mg
Talwin (Pentazocine) 6/50 mg
Thorazine (Chlorpromazine) 19/50 mg
Tofranil (Imipramine) 46/50 mg
Tuinal (Amo/secobarbital) 15/100 mg
Tylenol (Acetamineophen)
Regular
Extra
40/325mg
26/500mg
Valium (Diazepam) 658/5 mg
Valmid (Ethinamate) 13/500 mg
Veronal Bs (Barbital) 100/30 mg
Xanax 7500/1 mg

 
 
Current Mood: confusedintrigued
 
 
30 May 2007 @ 09:38 pm
Caught in the uncomfortable silence that is an enraged state of passive aggressive frustration.  She's on her computer and I'm on mine.  I attempt to hypothesize her thought process... is there anything that doesn't make this woman annoyed/angry/stressed/pissed?  Sometimes I think that if I actually killed myself in front of her that maybe she would realize just how ridiculous she is for allowing so many tiny little insignificant things get to her.  I also think about what it would be like for the two of us to trade places.  Would I rather be a pathetic, depressed, piece of shit, or a short-tempered, control freak with a penchant for being over critical of everything that doesn't fit into her neat little pre-planned, post-it noted reality.  Well, at least she's not thinking about killing herself all of the time.  Anyway...
I guess the jury is still out.  The meds seem to have kicked in, so I'm at least not REALLY suicidal at the moment.  The doc that prescribed these to me said that when I take them it makes things that I perceive to be of dire consequence "a little less important'.  haha, now that I think of it, maybe when I take them it makes life seem just a little less important.  So... she's pissed at everything right now, probably including me, and I'm just riding my anti-depressant high right now.  At any moment though, the shit is gonna wear off and then I'm gonna once again be faced wit the dilemma of whether to live my shitty shit pathetic excuse of a life, or just fucking killing myself and get it over with already.  Hmmm... decisions, decisions... 
Maybe I should check back into the psych ward...
 
 
Current Mood: highhigh on ativan
 
 
30 May 2007 @ 05:33 pm

So, once again I see myself for what I really am.  A pathetic excuse for a human being.  A weeks ago I was seriously considering the idea of taking way too much medication... or blowing my brains out.  Whichever one of those things happened to fancy me at the time being.  On my way back into the city today, I felt myself leaning out a little too far past the edge of the BART platform and thought about how it would feel if I just inched in a little and slipped in front of the train as it pulled into the station.  I thought about how it would feel if I had the audacity to touch the electrified third rail which powered the trains and allow a few thousands volts of electricity flow through my useless carcass.  All of these thoughts...
   Part of me at the moment is thinking that regardless what I do or what I try to do the eventual cause of my death will be by my own hand.  I have had some interesting thought processes where I imagine stabbing myself in the heart after going through a brake-up with my current girlfriend.  I picture us hurling invective and frustration at one another and just at the opportune time when I turn my back to her and walk away, I pull a balisong out of my pocket and thrust it into my chest.  I see myself collapsing onto the sidewalk, my life's blood flowing into the gutter of the Oakland streets to be lapped up by stray animals and other vermin.
  The original thoughts I had when I was a young child, around the age of 12 or so... I imagined myself jumping out my 4th story bedroom window and landing headfirst in the street.   This was because of the fact I was hard pressed to find a paper which was a test that I'd failed and had to show to my parents, have them sign, and then return to my teacher.  I honestly considered the thought of killing myself rather than facing the shame of having to explain to my parents that I'd lost a test that needed to be signed and that I'd be getting a severe amount of detention time... and now... I'm seriously comtemplating killing myself again.  I've given thought to asking one of my friends if I could get some help in buying a gun.  A big gun that would definitely blow my fucking head off.  I've also thought about downing the rest of the medication that I have on me.  I don't know if it would do the job of killing me though.  I might have to mix it up with some alcohol or some other drugs.  Yeah... I'm just about fed up with dealing with this shit.  Fuck...

 
 
Current Mood: depressedfucking kill me